We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
