that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
