I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
