he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
