I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
