ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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