We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
