i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize