At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
