Say something about gay babies.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
