I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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