I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
