ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
well you can't waste a boner
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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