I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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