I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
