he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
