Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
