that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
