Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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