lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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