Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
