I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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