Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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