i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
