I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
