the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
