Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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