i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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