Do vagina's smell?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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