i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
