it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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