dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize