the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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