What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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