Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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