i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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