I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
