I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
