She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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