paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
