his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
