Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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