Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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