I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
