in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
