Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
