there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
