i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
