I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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