He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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