pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
