Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
