I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
