I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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