just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
