the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
