why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
