I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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