I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
