I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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