babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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