saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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