first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
