Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
