you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
