no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
