You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's never too late to be topless.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
