on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
