I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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