Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
