I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am available for nakedness
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
